Tuesday, October 31, 2006

happy halloween!

I still don't know what I'll do tonight, but most likely I'll be stuck doing homework. I'm wearing a costume either way - and I think I'm doing a full-fledged Hester Prynne outfit. I've come to really like that book. It didn't get good until about the 17th chapter, and then I fell in love with it. Books like that can be such a bother, but you can learn so much from them...

oooh...here's a pic from last year's halloween.



from left to right:
me, Jack (next to me on back row), and then a friend (looking scary in his eye-liner). The on the front row, its Jack's 2 best friends, who are nick-named Baine and Kitty.

I'll get pics this year...you can count on that. It just might be a month before I decide to upload them...hee hee!

well, 3 monkeys just walked in and I have homework to do.
Ciao!

Monday, October 30, 2006

ren fest pics

I finally have them all uploaded to the computer, so now its just a matter of deciding which ones are the best (even though I love them all!) and fixing them up, etc. I don't have time to post many now, but here's one for the time being.



This is a statue in one of the gardens. It's Athena, I believe; she had a quiver on her back and a bow at her side. (I haven't yet photoshopped the tubby tourists out of the background yet, I just realized. Ack, whatever.) This is probably my favorite picture currently. (and that changes from day to day, but oh well.)

from my hands...the scarlet letter


It's grainy, but you can still see it. It's an A of deep red on a field of umber (black felt, that is) which I stiched dark red thread onto it, just for looks. (that red is all rather orange...such a bother). Then I put in silver accents and such. It took me about an hour, but hey, I did well in the play, didn't I?

Thursday, October 26, 2006

The ACT...Part 4

“Do I feel joy again?” Dimmesdale marveled aloud, looking to the heavens with shining eyes. “O Hester, thou art my better angel! I seem to have flung myself down upon these forest-leaves, and to have risen up all made anew, and with new powers to glorify Him that hath been merciful! This is already the better life! Why did we not find it sooner?” He clasped my elbow, and smiled, genuinely smiled at me.
“The past is gone!” I declared in a strong voice. “Wherefore should we linger upon it now? See! With this symbol, I undo it all, and make it as it had never been!” With that, I tore the letter from my breast, and flung it away; the small ache and burden that I knew withdrew. I stood motionless as the Narrator began again, my hand still outstretched, Dimmesdale and I looking on with wonder painted on our statue-like faces at the Scarlet A.

“The mystic token alighted on the hither verge of the stream,” Emily droned. “With a hand's breadth farther flight it would have fallen into the water, and have given the little brook another woe to carry onward, besides the unintelligible tale which it kept murmuring about. But there lay the embroidered letter, glittering like a lost jewel, which some ill-fated wanderer might pick up, and thenceforth be haunted by strange phantoms of guilt, sinkings of the heart, and unaccountable misfortune.” I blinked and the brook, once alive and babbling, became Mylar plastic; the dark grass that we sat upon, carpet; the trees vanished, replaced by the awe-struck faces of my classmates. I looked to Arthur Dimmesdale, but no, he was slowly becoming Grant again. The pain had left his face, and that hidden impishness returned. The class broke into resounding applause, and as I blinked again, the class room became solid, and real beneath my feet.

“Amazing,” McIntosh said, flipping all the lights back on again. “Just amazing!” I felt my face go red, and to occupy myself, I bent to retrieve the Scarlet Letter. “It was an illusion. Your costume Maddie - ” he gestured vaguely at me “ – was so unbelievably convincing. I think it was the Letter that did it, the fact that you actually put that much time into making it.”
I nodded and stared at my feet, afraid to look at anyone.
“Man,” said Kelsey, “there was something between you guys.” She grinned a little, pointing.
“Yeah, so, you guys should so get together,” McIntosh said, and laughed. I couldn’t resist – I glanced at Grant, but he didn’t meet my eye.
“I felt like I was actually there,” Cam murmured, looking as if he had just woken from a dream. “I mean, like I was intruding. It was...real.”
The praises went on, and I felt glorious, despite the fact that I was again trembling. After a few more questions and such, the bell rang, and we were left to go to lunch; the rest of the performances would follow after. As I gathered my things, my head reeled, trying to recapture every glorious moment. When I finally sat down to lunch, weariness took over. The emotional energy I had used was quite unexpected, and because of it, I was left feeling weak, but triumphant, for here I had given myself completely over to another being, and not one of my own invention, but another man’s...and though he has long passed out of this world, his children linger to teach and love others as he would have done.
I realized then, that my fondness of the Scarlet Letter could not be denied; I was going to make one of my own. A crimson W upon a sable field...for Writer.

The ACT...Part 3

The play went on, our lines surging and drifting in some invisible tide; the emotion was rampant, and enveloped us both. I could no longer see or hear the class; I was alone with Dimmesdale, in the quiet woods, the sunlight glimmering through the trees; I was trying to heal this weak, despondent man; I was trying to show him that I loved him after all these years; and I desperately needed his strength as he did mine.

“....Dost thou not see what I would say?” I breathed. I was so close to weeping; my heart was breaking! It was against my will to unhand this information which had so wrongfully been kept from him. “That old man! – the physician, Roger Chillingworth! -- he was my husband!”
Dimmesdale sunk to his knees with a cry. “I might have known it. I did know it! Was not the secret told me in the natural recoil of my heart, at the first sight of him, and as often as I have seen him since? Why did I not understand? O Hester Prynne, thou little, little knowest all the horror of this thing!” I feared that tears would streak down his face at any moment; I watched him carefully, feeling the sharp pangs of the need to comfort him. “And the shame! – the indelicacy! -- the horrible ugliness of this exposure of a sick and guilty heart to the very eye that would gloat over it! Woman, thou art accountable for this! I cannot forgive thee!”

The last note was so bitter, I was again afraid that I would weep myself. I fell to my knees beside him, laying a firm hand at his back, fighting against the urge to fully embrace him and cry into his shoulder “Thou shalt forgive me! Let God punish! Thou shalt forgive!” Please, please! I implored silently. Arthur, you must – for the sake of our love!
He took a rattling breath, and I leaned into him. “I - I do forgive you, Hester,” he began. “May God forgive us both! We are not the worst sinners in the world. There is one worse than even the polluted priest. That old man's revenge has been blacker than my sin. He has violated, in cold blood, the sanctity of a human heart. Thou and I, Hester, never did so!”
A warm smile came to my lips. “Never, never!” I said softly, sweetly, letting my hand trickle down his arm. “What we did had a consecration of its own. We felt it so. We said so to each other. Hast thou forgotten it?”
“No; I have not forgotten,” he said, looking deep into my eyes, my soul, and then smiling a little too.

Emily broke in, and we froze, the tender love between us. “...The forest was obscure around them, and creaked with a blast that was passing through it. The boughs were tossing heavily above their heads; while one solemn old tree groaned dolefully to another, as if telling the sad story of the pair that sat beneath, or constrained to forebode evil to come.”
“Hester, here is a new horror!” Dimmesdale cried, starting forward. “Roger Chillingworth knows your purpose to reveal his true character. How am I to live longer, breathing the same air with this deadly enemy? Think for me, Hester! Thou art strong!” He clasped my hand, and startled, I nearly drew away; instead, I battled myself and let Hester speak.
“Thou must dwell no longer with this man - Thy heart must be nolonger under his evil eye!” I gave his fingers a slight squeeze, and he released me.

We were so close; every touch brought a new spark; every quavering voice shrouded us farther from the reality, and deeper into the woods, the quiet, solemn woods, our voices entwined.

The ACT...Part 2

McIntosh calmly waited for us to finally calm down, watching his students with a half-hidden air of amusement. Food was distributed: cookies, candy, bottled water, chips and French onion dip. As we all settled back to watch the performances, Emily, our narrator, volunteered us as the first group to present. Kelsey (that is, ‘my little Pearl’) threw everyone a panicked look, but rose to the area of the room designated for our stage, pulling on a magenta cloak and bonnet as she did so. The script in my hands shook uncontrollably as I found my place amongst my fellow actors. It was awkward at first, to get things set up: our painted backdrop of the woods, the log (a brown pillow), Mylar sparkling stream, the autumn leaves and red poppies strewn about the ground. After a brief argument, a few lights were turned off, to shed a shadowy effect upon us actors. In the half-dark, I cast my eyes towards Dimmesdale, and found that he had finally donned the large black cloak; my heart, (or was it Hester’s?) softened at his appearance.

We all introduced ourselves, and then our narrator began in monotone, speaking softly. I stood a little ways off with my Pearl, and after her first and last line, she skipped off to the brook to play with the flowers. Here, Dimmesdale slowly moved across the floor; I say moved and not walked, for he seemed to hover.
“Arthur Dimmesdale!” I cried. Then louder, “Arthur Dimmesdale!”
“Who speaks?” he murmured. He stopped short, and looked at me; our eyes met, and shiver crept down my spine. “Hester Prynne! Is it thou? Art thou in life?”
My transformation was complete at this stage, and I allowed my voice to match Hester’s: slightly husky, with a melancholy undertone. “Even so,” I answered him, the words flowing not from the ink and paper script, but from a much deeper source, from this separate force within me. “In such life as has been mine these seven years past. And thou, Arthur Dimmesdale, dost thou live?”

“It was no wonder that they thus questioned one another's actual and bodily existence, and even doubted of their own. Each a ghost, and awe-stricken at the other ghost,” Emily intoned. We froze at the sound of her voice, to simply make the acting interesting.
Dimmesdale stood at my right, looking upon me with a strangely piercing gaze that I found hard to meet. Slowly, he crossed behind me, to my left, almost whispering. “Hester, hast thou found peace?”
I sensed his body heat, and trembled a little more. I forced myself to smile wearily at him, as he took a seat upon the log. “Hast thou?” I asked hoarsely.
“None! – nothing but despair,” he cried, his voice breaking. I was awestruck by his emotion. “What else could I look for, being what I am, and leading such a life as mine? Were I an atheist, I might have found peace, long ere now. But, as matters stand with my soul, all of God’s gifts that were the choicest have become the ministers of spiritual torment. Hester, I am most miserable!” With that, he peered into my face, and the pain upon his features was real, and I found that it was hurting me too. I could no longer feel the nervousness; his agony seeped into me.

The ACT...Part 1

The light flutterings of my stomach suddenly intensified as I entered the familiar English Room. I was scared and excited, disheartened and blissful, losing my mind and staying sane; all the while my heart beating a wild rhythm in my ears. I try to compose myself, and I stood for a moment, staring off into space smiling slightly, and pulling my long grey woolen overcoat about my middle. Cam gave his ever-present goofy grin and a thumbs up, wishing me luck, which I returned. I looked about for one of the numerous bags I had brought over the past week or so – ones of autumn leaves, costume pieces, scarves. I at last found the one with my black skirt in it, and slipped this on over my black corduroy pants, feeling very silly as I did so. Grant waltzed over and took his clothing from the rack, avoiding my eyes all the while. I watched him as he left the room, finding that I liked the way he carried himself ; with a different sort of confidence, that set him apart, but did not make him proud, or arrogant. I pressed my cool hands to my neck as the fierce drum of my pulse began again.

At length, I found my seat and watched the rest of the class chatter. They were nervous too – I could sense it, and I was inflicted heavily by it. I tried to put up my own walls of calming colors, but the atmosphere won over, and my hands started to ever-so-slightly tremble. Grant returned, still aloof, in black slacks and worn dress shoes. In moments, as the rest of the costume was pulled together, he transformed into Reverend Dimmesdale, and his dark eyes, usually sparkling with distant thought, grew melancholy as the spirit of this broken minister descended upon him.
Mine happened too, though not in so beautiful a fashion. I couldn’t let myself go; I was reluctant to yield to the wearer of the Scarlet Letter. I hopped about the classroom, making sure the rest of my team members were properly outfitted and had their scripts. I forced myself to take another long breath, and slowly crossed the rows of desks to my own seat, the black skirt billowing around my pant legs. There, I took out my own Scarlet A, and placed it upon my breast, pinning it in place. It was strange, then, that a weight, hardly noticeable at first, settled upon my bosom and only grew in intensity the longer I wore it. I suddenly masked my face, realizing that I was exhibiting my strongest emotion: fear, and sorrow. Hester, with her gentle hands, was lifting me away from myself.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

yes...

single again.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

can't deny

i can’t deny that i still love you
simply and beautifully as a friend
and my broken confused words
won’t rhyme
no matter how hard i try
like misfit mosaics

my fingers at the keys
twiddle and flirt
between the black and white
can’t decide
what to play
can’t deny
my heart
or yours

i’m not sure how it happened
it just did
you’re hurt
i can see it clear as day
as night
it’s hurting me too

i can’t deny that i still love you
simply and beautifully as a brother
and my logic
my life-vest
won’t be found
no matter how much i search
like misfit mosaics

my fingers at the strings
pull and snap
at the mind’s threads
can’t decide
what to say
can’t deny
my heart
or yours

yet i can’t pretend that i feel okay
no can’t pretend
i simply can’t hide
from the feelings and truths within
and inside

can’t deny
my heart
or yours

Monday, October 23, 2006

ren fest and gobs of homework

I have so much homework tonight, I feel like I'll go into a coma if I think about it for too long. So of course, what am I doing? blogging. Ha ha. No surprise. I seem to think my papers will magically write themselves.

Any-hoo....I went to the RENNAISSANCE FESTIVAL this weekend, and it was so flippin' awesome! It was probably the best year yet! I went with Mum, Jack, and her two friends Alex and Devan (funny how they all have guy names, isn't it?). All three of the monkeys got incense and daggers and things. I ended buying a black cloche hat, an ocarina, a ring (it's silver and looks like a crown - I tell people that I wrestled a fairy for it!), and some tiny pewter figures that on closer inspection, are finely detailed dwarven men! *sigh* I've already picked up a couple things on the ocarina, so as soon as I figure out how, I'll mix it in with some of my more irishy tunes!

I have just a ton of photographs (that are smashing, if I do say so myself) and a couple short, stupid videos. It might take me a while, but those will be posted...soon. *dances around* Man, I had a blast!

I talked to Chad today, and he says he wants to go again (as do I) so I'm thinking of getting a big group together in a couple weekends. My only problem is finding someone to drive (as I am still laboring away to get my wretched license) but that shouldn't be too difficult.

Well, I need to get back to homework...

I bid to you,
a fond adieu,
if only for the time bein'
'cause it won't be long
afore my song
I'll be again a-singin'!

Order of the Phoenix Soundtrack

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