stage fiaso

I just finished the Radio Program show I gave for my church. Last year at the banquet, I played four of my own piano compositions. This year, some girls and I did a comedy radio play. We had three separate skits with songs and crazy characters. Should have been sheer fun.

But it was madness.

On the way here, there was an ugly yelling match with Jack and Al who don't cooperate anyway, but now they really weren't. We got our sound check 5 minutes before people started arriving. I was pulling out great chunks of hair and hyperventilating.

Then our turn for performing came around.

First, I get out on stage, and my hands shook so badly I couldn't play the first song. It came out all jumbly, so I just stopped and joined in singing. But I forgot what it was I supposed to sing. And then when I did, it actually the wrong words. Ever heard of the song "Big rock candy mountain"? The actual lyrics aren't too church appropirate, so in the script I altered them. However, I found myself singing the original lyrics ON STAGE.
"Where cigarettes grow on treees...."
I sure it went over really well.

Then, I was slow on other cues, and on my way out, knocked an entire microphone stand down some wooden steps, narrowly missing a stand of lit candles.

When I came back on, I forgot to sing the melody part, so the song was all in harmony. No melody what-so-ever. Then I put the wrong sound effects on. Then, I found that my mike was having problems (since its recent tumble) and the cord was jammed under my piano stand. I had to bend and fix that, nearly toppling piano, candles, mike and all. But fortunantly I didn't. Then I forgot to stand closer to the mike (considering its weird, sideways position) and most of my lines were lost.

On my way off the stage, I tripped on cords.

Third and last time on stage, I was wearing sunglasses for my character - and found that they were so dark, I could barely read the words on my script. I stuttered every other word (instead of being the coy Italien heiress I was supposed to be). Then I got my accents mixed up, and left the piano on stage when I wasn't supposed to....tripping again on my way out. Then as I was cleaning up, there was a quiet lull that was soon filled with the crash of me dropping a hammer down a staircase by accident.
There's no one on earth clumsier.


a fiaso! A complete fiasco!
my acting career is over!